Monday 28 May 2012

Junctions and Signal Failures

Sounds like something the Reverend Awdry would have written in one of his many Thomas the Tank Engine stories, be it either title or exclamation. The phrase is equally applicable to roads and this is where I shall begin this edition.

I was browsing on Twitter just now and saw a lot of the political types I follow talking about U-Turns and it got me thinking about the whole road metaphor that politicians use when rolling out their vision post-general election. Now, we all know St Margaret, in the Book of Conferences was disdainful of such things and so this is where I shall start. Here is the Political Guide to Motoring.

If, like Tony or Maggie, you prefer to go at high speeds with no reverse gear but plenty of room for manoeuvre until you reach your destination, then motorways are the way forward. The motorway building project crowned of course in the mid-80s with the building of the M25.

If you like going at a good pace having first given yourself plenty of time to work out your journey without the bother of going too fast and the possibility of a nice little country diversion along the odd B road, then by all means follow the Major road map.

If you're a follower of the Brown method, then you'll want lots of roundabouts; just because you need to try every available exit before making the wrong decision and crashing anyway, but trying to lay the blame on the motorist coming off the motorway exit.

Because the Brown method meant that there's now not much fuel in the car, the Coalition motorist will have to think a journey out very carefully, in order to maintain minimum consumption. This means jettisoning the caravan, slinging off the roof box, detaching the bike rack and the rear seats. You will also need to programme the sat-nav for all possible places to make U-Turns and avoid roundabouts. Make sure the radio works to give Nick something to do while Dave drives, and as there are no back seats anymore, Boris will still have to cycle.

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